I love black thongs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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