sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
