I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
