What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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