Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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