is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
