Do you still have your period?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
