I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
