Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
