the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
