So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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