So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
