my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
