..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
