ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
