I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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