I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How's work?
Spinning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
