In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
