and she was petting her beer can
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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