Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize