I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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