They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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