i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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