i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
