Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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