glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
