Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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