He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So vagazzling was a success
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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