Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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