K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
