who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
