even my farts smell like vagina
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
not ubering you a puppy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
