Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize