Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he laminated a picture of his dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The Olympian is in my bed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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