At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
