3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
