well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm both gender and math confused
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
