im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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