ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize