you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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