If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
