that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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