Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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