Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
