paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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