none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
