Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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