i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
