either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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