Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
