I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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