Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
