I wish i was in the wii world.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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