he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
