Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
