I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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