So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i have two assholes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
