guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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