Soap is not a condiment
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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