What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
