Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
