I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
