my phone needs a breathalizer
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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