you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
