Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
