we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm always down for nudity.
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